The letters are posted in ascending order--the ones from January will be
last with the most recent closest to the top. Our responses
are in italics and there is a horizontal line between each post.
Because I come from a traditional church and they don't believe in women
preachers/pastors, how do I know that God is calling me to preach? I
have been struggling with this for a long time and can't seem to shake
this tugging I feel from him to preach and I keep questioning God
because I want do His will and not man's.
Can you help me?
Do you have access to the internet? If so, you need to get on the
God's Word to Women website and start reading. Take a look at the links
on the left side of the page. You'll find Scripture Study on that
includes the scriptures that limit women and the articles under Articles
by Topic are broken into topics so that you can work through the ones
that are relevant to your search. You may also be helped by the section
entitled Women in History. It's under Studies in the links on the left
side of the page.
Under recommended books, you will find many excellent books on the
subject of women in ministry and biblical womanhood in general.
Obviously we do not believe the traditional position that God limits the
gifts that He gives to women. There have been many women--even listed in
the scriptures--that were ministers of the gospel. One is even called an
I have given you these suggestions because there is no way anyone can
answer the question for you. You much read and study for yourself and
let the Holy Spirit speak to your heart.
Dear Barbara, Pat & Gay,
I am a 35 yr old woman, who received the Lord about 5 yrs ago. I have
been married to a man for 11 yrs, but have been together for 16. We have
both overcome many obstacles in our lives, however, my husband does not
go to church. Being a Christian, it seems our paths have veered away
from one another. Although there is no physical abuse, I feel I am being
abused in other ways. Mainly in the area of finances and being
irresponsible. He feels that his 40 hour a week job is enough, even
though we just went through 2 weeks of having no heat in our home. I
have been looking for work to help make ends meet, and he thinks once
that happens everything will be fine. Last year he took out 5 credit
cards, three of which were without my knowledge. He is now $5000.00 in
debt. He has been called for Jury duty twice in the last three months,
and has not gone. We couldn't even pay our mortgage this week. When
desperate situations come up, I am the one who has to go begging and
find a way to get us out of it. I could tell you more, but you get the
I spoke to my pastor about it, and got the same advice most women do.
"Are you honoring him? Respecting him, telling him how proud you are of
him, giving him sex..." They also gave me a book which basically says
the same thing, his behavior is a direct result of me. How in the world
is his irresponsibility my fault?? This is something that's been going
on for a couple years, and nothing has changed. I've tried doing what my
pastor told me, and in doing so, my husband thinks everything is fine,
that I'm satisfied and happy, and he actually gets worse. I find many
authors who write books don't have the correct perspective, since they
are married to Christians, or their spouses at some point have come to
the Lord. I feel my walk with God is being hindered because of my
situation. I know the Lord is my provider, but what ever the Lord may
bless me with, I am afraid I would lose to my husband's actions. Is this
a form of abuse? Is this grounds for separation/divorce?
I am not looking for a hand out, but if you could send any books or
anything that would help me I'd appreciate it, although I am unable to
purchase anything at this time. I really am at a loss as to what to do.
May God bless you,
My dear Lynn:
Go to www.joelandkathy.com.
You may click and receive a free 85-page excerpt. We will feature a
chapter in our next newsletter which should be out about mid-April. It's
not your fault, and you didn't need to go begging. However, you must not
let your husband get off without demanding some changes from him.
Try it out, and let us hear from you.
Barbara, Gay and Pat,
Yesterday I found out about your site because I was directed to an
article "Did Paul Really Say, 'Let the Women Keep Silent in the
Churches?'" there by a sister in our assembly. I knew women are allowed
speak in assembly because of 1Co14:1, 23, 24 and other scriptures; and I
knew women are allowed to teach because of verse 26, so with my limited
knowledge and not having really studied this topic in depth, the only
thing I could logically conclude was that women were not to publicly "
correct, question or debate a man." And in my mind, I was absolutely
right about my conclusion!
After reading the article, I repented (change my mind) of my erroneous
thinking (belief) and have been released from the bondage my wrong
belief caused. I long for the all revelation that God promises through
His word. I get excited and have great joy when the Father shows me new
truth (revelation), by any means He chooses, because it sets me free and
conforms me more and more to the image of Jesus. It was truly great line
upon line teaching, and I was extremely blessed by it.
I have begun reading other articles from GWTW, and am amazed and angered
by how much error I have been taught (and accepted), and how much I have
personally misinterpreted in my study of God's word - things that I
should have seen, but just completely missed. I see even more clearly
the truth of 1Co13:12, and also the old proverb, "Text without a context
is a pretext."
I cannot give enough accolades and praise for the ministry you are
accomplishing. I thank our Lord that He has made these teachings
available to me through you. I thank Him also that he has given me the
grace to have "eyes to see and ears to hear" what He's saying to His
body. The Godly wisdom pouring forth from the articles of your women
authors, combined with the topics which they exegete, makes the truths
of Gal 3:28 and Acts 10:34 more real to me than ever before.
God bless you richly,
Dear Br. Paul:
How delighted we are that you "found" our website. I believe the Holy
Spirit led you there! Certainly you encourage us greatly, and we have
nothing but thanksgiving and praise unto Him. Too, you'll find not only
articles by women but men as well. You'll also find articles by people
of color like Gerald McCray and Richard Barnor as well as Wanda Boone,
Bernadine Tillman, and Gayle Rogers.
Thanks for asking the Lord to "bless us richly." We'll just ask Him to
bless you richly as well--a hundred-fold!
I would like to offer a biblical marriage course to my church that I would
feel "safe" presenting without patriarchal, husband is the priest of the home
etc teachings but instead promoting mutual equality. Please can you recommend
any? I would have to order online as the Christian Bookstores in our city only
stock Focus on the Family kind of courses.
Take a look at www.joelandkathy.com.
They have some really excellent material. We are putting up an article from
their first book--probably today. The books are The Man of Her Dreams/the
Woman of His books 1 and 2. You can order the first one on CD (4) or DVD. I
think this should give you a really good course.
If you need more on the partnership between men and women take a look at
where we have Dr. Carrie Miles book up that can be downloaded for use without
We'd love to know how this turns out.
I downloaded the extract from Joel and Kathy's book last night. I would like to
order the DVD's BUT would like to hear what you think before I do that. Most of
what I have read on your site and researched for myself is confirmed in the
extract but the one thing that is bothering me is often throughout the extract
and particularly in Chapter Sixteen "Desiring your husband is a good thing" they
state that that desiring your husband (Genesis 3:16) is God's plan for women.
Perhaps I am reading too much into this and it would not be a problem when
showing the DVD? The articles on GWTW explain that Genesis 3:16 was not God's
plan but a consequence of the Fall (even though desiring one's husband is not a
bad thing!!). It is a niggling thing for me however as it is not the correct
translation/explanation. What do you think? Should I present the material and
explain, or show it and ignore?
You asked for something on marriage and that was the best thing we could
think to offer. I'm wondering just what you believe the people need.
Personally, I needed to know what God said about me as a woman--did He
consider me second class. I needed scriptural proof that I wasn't to
"submit" to my husband in things that were not of the Lord. I needed to
know that God used gifting not gender to confirm anointing in an area.
So much I needed. This may not be the need of your audience. If it is,
I'd start in Genesis and go carefully over chapters 1 through 3. Show
them that God's original intent was for men and women to have dominion
over everything but each other--that they need each other to be
complete, that marriage is that one flesh union where one can be naked
I'd go to our website and pull these articles,
I'd see what kind of logical order the Lord would give to presenting the
information. Even if you do the other course, it would be good to share
some of this. Women need to find themselves as worthwhile individuals,
loved and treasured by God and not limited in their calling by being a
If this is not the way you need to go, if you really need something on
marriage only--rather than what constitutes biblical womanhood then the
stuff from the Davissons is probably as good as you are going to find.
If you use it, be sure to watch each segment and to correct any error
that you find. No one has it all right. We are all looking for God's
way. We have told the Davissons that we disagree with that segment,
we'll have to see if they change things when they republish.
Please keep us posted on how the class goes. If we can help in any way,
let us know.
I consider it a tremendous blessing and privilege to be able to make
contact with you. Thank you, I needed your words of wisdom and
direction. I will order the DVD's because yes 99.9% of the teaching is
what men and women need to hear - I will give some information using
some of the studies perhaps as an intro to the DVD's or perhaps at times
when extra explanation is needed. I will let you know when I start what
the response is. I feel an urgency in presenting this study (I am the
Women's Ministry Coordinator) as there have been numerous requests for a
Thank you again, God bless,
To whom it may concern:
I need help and I think I'm in an abusive relationship. This guy I've
been seeing was extremely sweet for the first two weeks of our
relationship. Then he slowly started to become more and more rude and
cruel. I had been divorced about a year prior to this relationship and
well this guy I'm with now basically calls me crazy, stupid, he likes to
put me down and is overly critical about my body. He just blurts
whatever is on his mind without thinking about the effects of his words.
He is very sweet when he needs me and every time I break it off with
him. I know in my head that this isn't good for me but like he keeps
saying he's at a stressful point in his life. But that does not excuse
him nor does it allow him to be cruel. I've talked to him over and over
again about how much it hurts me when he says all these horrible things,
but somehow it turns out being my fault because I'm overly sensitive.
Then I feel bad because now I'm starting to be convinced that I AM in
fact too sensitive. . .but then again why should someone be disrespected
like this? I treat him right and I would like to be treated properly in
return...is there any hope here?
If you re-read your letter to GWTW, I believe you will see the answer to
your own question: "Am I in an abusive relationship?" The answer is a
clear and unequivocal "Yes."
From Dr. Jay Grady's book "Stop Verbal Abuse:"
First, relationship abuse usually involves a pattern of abusive events.
Except in rare cases, a single incident usually does not constitute
abuse. Instead, there is typically a pattern of repeated destructive
behavior that escalates over time.
Second, abusive relationships involve the use of power and control. The
abuser's goal is to ensure that he or she is in complete control of you
and the relationship. Their controlling tactics may be subtle and not
easily recognized. It may seem that their taking control of your time,
friends, and daily activities was a sign of caring and wanting only the
best for you. As time went by, the control you once had over your life
disappeared. Gradually using a wide range of strategies, they were able
to render you totally powerless and place themselves in complete control
of the relationship. Verbal abuse can be extremely painful and damaging
and its effects long lasting. It could be termed a "SILENT KILLER." As
with physical violence, verbal abuse can take many forms, but the goal
is to change your self point of view. Verbal abuse is designed to make
you feel powerless.
One of its main focuses is to make you feel "worthless." Verbal abuse
takes a tremendous emotional toll! Here is a partial list of behaviors
that are included in verbal abuse.
1. Yelling 2. Accusing 3. Using sarcasm 4. Threatening 5.
Insulting 6. Treating you with scorn 7. Intimidating 8.
Humiliating 9. Putting you down 10. Ridiculing 11. Blaming 12.
Disparaging your idea 13. Name-calling
14. Belittling 15. Rejecting your opinion 16. Criticizing
17. Mocking 18. Trivializing your desires
I've added this excerpt with this list to help you identify what HE is
doing is wrong and that you are NOT being overly sensitive to his
cruelty. This is the cycle of violence that only gets worse over time,
as confirmed by the thousands/millions of battered women and children.
His stress is HIS problem and you are not his verbal punching
bag--unless you volunteer to be at this point.
All the sweet talk in the world does not excuse abusing you at any time;
in fact, it fits the pattern of a chronic abuser.
With all of these signs and considering the questions and tone of
your letter, you seem to be at a crossroads; do I stay or do I go? A,
this is not normal, it is not good, and Yes, it is abusive. There is no
hope for a healthy relationship with these dynamics.
Please seek out some local support groups to walk with you in your
journey, and be assured that we are praying with you. Here are a few
online resources for support.
Keep in touch, A, letting us know how you are doing!
Thank you for your wonderful site. I'm thrilled that you are featuring
Kathrine Bushnell. I was, however, disappointed when I realized your
sub-title was not a book. I saw: "The Adventures of Kate Bushnell and
Elizabeth Andrew," and I mistook it for a book. I could find no such
book on Amazon. Is there a modern biography? If not, are you planning to
write one? I write books myself, but am way too backlogged to even
contemplate it. I'd love to hear from you.
P. S. Thanks for making reference to my co-authored book, Daughters of
Our website was a result of our reading Katharine Bushnell's book God's
Word to Women. She spoke to all of us in a profound way. The book, God's
Word to Women is available on the website or it can be purchased from
us. We republished it a couple of years ago. The Bushnell and Andrews
book, The Queen's Daughter's in India was written by them after they had
investigated the brothels that served the British troops then in India.
It is out of print and we made it available online.
I love your book Daughters of the Church. I have learned much from it
and appreciate all the work that went into it. Our website attempts to
enlighten anyone who is searching for truth about the place of women in
God's design. There are many wonderful articles that cover most if not
all the problem areas. Please pray that God will continue to show us His
direction for this ministry.
Thanks so much for the encouragement.
What an enormous blessing it was to come upon this website! I am 22 years old
and have always felt that the traditional teaching about women in the Church was
wrong but I didn't know how to back up my feelings. Now I do! May God truly
bless you and prosper you and your ministry. I believe now is the time for women
to realize the fullness of our freedom in Christ Jesus! I was wondering if you
could let me know how I can help get the word out and seek justice for women. I
feel as though I could burst! I want everyone to know the truth! I also wanted
to recommend that you offer the book What Paul Really Said About Women on
your website as a resource as it offers a lot of tremendously helpful
Your Sister in Christ,
Thank you so much for your words. It is letters like yours that keep us pumped
up and excited that the word is being discovered. We recommend Who Said Women
Can't Teach under "recommended books." You can buy it from Amazon for a good
price. I believe that Christians for Biblical Equality also carry it. It was one
of the first that I read and it is truly a blessing.
We re-published God's Word to Women by Katharine Bushnell to keep it in
circulation because we think it is foundational to all the other works. Trombley
quotes her! We also sell a couple of books that you can't buy in the US, The
Source New Testament, and More than Meets the Eye by Ann Nyland from
Australia and From Bondage to Blessings by Dee Alei who published it in England.
I'm going to put you on the list for our quarterly Newsletter. The Spring
edition should be out in a week or so. I'll send you the Winter one. Anyway, one
way to spread the word is to let people know about our website and a way to do
that is to forward the newsletter to everyone that God prompts.
I don't know where you live, but you would profit greatly by coming to our
Gathering and then on to the Apostolic Women Arising conference in June. The
information link is on the main page. It's going to be great. Our Gathering will
allow for dialogue on the issues along with response to questions on areas that
are giving problems. Not only that, the networking is priceless.
You may also want to take a look at the CBE website,
They have a bookstore and lots of excellent material. Have you checked out the
podcasts and the blog? I think these are going to be important tools in getting
the message out.
So glad you wrote to us.