Peace and Safety in the Christian Home
Should any attack you, it will not be my doing,... you shall prevail
and you shall rebut every charge brought against you – vindication comes
from me. This is the very word of the Lord. Isaiah 54:15,17
Symptoms of Abuse
Frequent or unexplained injuries or somatic illness
Headaches, stomach aches, asthma
Nervous, anxious, fearful
Short attention span
Tired, lethargic, seems lazy
Isolated, lonely, difficulty trusting
Feels guilty, especially about anger
Blames others for their behavior
Relationships that start intensely or end abruptly
Low self-esteem/ Overly aggressive
Afraid to disagree
Additionally For Children
Over or under achieving
Fear of separation from mom
Ask Yourself, Ask Your Friend
Often surprised or frightened by your partner’s angry
Frustrated because you can’t get him to understand you?
Feeling left out because he rarely shares his thoughts, feelings, or plans
Feeling like you are going crazy?
Is Your Partner:
· Irritable, sullen, or critical?
· Unpredictable or explosive?
· Manipulative or jealous?
· Friendly to others, but demanding at home?
Has any of the following been done to you?
Name calling, making fun of, insulting
Blackmail, threatening, accusing, controlling, following, humiliating,
isolating from others, criticizing, manipulating, blaming,playing mind
games, crazy making
Minimizing your concerns
Treating you like a servant, abandonment, intimidating, silent withdrawal
Saying you caused the abuse
Pushing, shoving, backhanding, biting, strangling, punching, burning,
smothering, grabbing, kicking, twisting, smacking, hair pulling, holding,
carrying, sitting on, banging against the wall or floor
Throwing/ breaking objects or windows, driving recklessly in order to scare
Punching or kicking a wall or door, blocking a car or doorway
Detaching or disabling a phone
Locking in or out of the home, in a closet or other confined space
Abusing a pet or killing a pet, brandishing a weapon
Restricting, tracking, gambling, hiding, or lying about family funds
Asset fraud, refusing to pay child support
Refusing to let you have a job
Luring, tricking, trapping, coercing, or bribing anyone
with less maturity or power into a sexual experience
Sexually stimulating or being stimulated by anyone disempowered by age,
size, handicap, or situation. This could be physical, verbal, or visual,
including discussing or describing, watching revealing or fondling
Rape or forced sex of any type even within marriage
Refusing to use birth control
Replacing marital relations with pornography, making you watch it, or
practicing pornographic acts on you
Transmitting Herpes, HIV, or other STD’s to a faithful spouse
Be Prepared, Have a Safety Plan
If you are injured, have a doctor take photos and write a
report. Keep your own evidence of damage such as ripped clothing and photos
of bruises and injuries. Keep these in a safe place away from your home.
Plan a safe place and time to go for help that he won’t suspect. Have phone
numbers with you.
Contact your local domestic violence shelter for safety planning, available
resources and legal aid.
Teach your children not to protect you, pets, or toys. Be sure they know how
to get out of the house and to the safe place.
Arrange a signal with a trustworthy neighbor who will call the police. This
may be a light or a message saying, “Do not disturb me right now.”
Put money away; even if it’s a little bit every week. Start a bank account
in your name. Consider Proverbs 31 – The noble wife is a financially
independent business woman with her own business who travels as necessary to
provide for her family.
Arrange for pet care.
Keep these necessities or copies of them with someone you
spare keys, clothes, money, food stamps, medications &
Birth certificates (yours and children’s)
Social Security cards, passports
Work permits, green cards, visa, Insurance papers
Banking account information
Immunization and medical records
Lease, rental, house deed
Protective order, custody papers
Important photos, keepsakes
Listen to your instincts. If the situation is dangerous,
consider giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down, just until you
are out of danger and stay near an exit. Avoid arguments, especially in a
bathroom, kitchen, or near weapons.
At work. Identify a friend to update about your situation.
Provide a picture of the batterer to the friend and building security. Have
your calls screened, if possible. Have an escort to and from transportation.
AS often as possible travel a variety of routes and use different entries to
Always remember: It is against the Word of God and a crime for anyone, even
family or friends, to hurt you, your children, or your pets.
Help a Friend
Ask direct questions, gently. Give time to talk.
Ask again a few days later. Don’t tell her what to do.
Validate her feelings.
Encourage her to follow her interests. Be dependable. Recognize improvement.
Allow disagreement without withdrawing. Show affection.
Listen without judging. If she shares something of her abuse, believe her.
This may be only the beginning.
Remind her that domestic violence is a crime and God wants her to be safe.
Keep confidences, unless someone under or over 65 is being abused. Then you
are required by law to report. YOU MAY REPORT ANONYMOUSLY.
Let her know she is not to blame, not responsible, and does not deserve
abuse. The abuser is the one who breaks the covenant.
Help her to make a safety plan.
Make strong statements against domestic violence. Point out
that the perpetrator is responsible. Do not accept excuses. Realize that
abusers can change if stopped early and held accountable by the community.
National Domestic Violence
Peace & Safety in the Christian Home
1095 Stony Brook Road
Brewster, MA 02631
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